This is the time of the year we all can kiss random people and have an excuse for our surprising lip locks. Whether it be the cute guy in accounting or the boss’ new secretary (I'll leave your minds to wonder which one I would hunt down), mistletoe can make the annual Christmas party a lot fun than just listening to the proverbial butt kissing that goes on. But what about other people? What about catching someone totally off the wall, I mean if we could?
Take that notion and spin it on its head. This short entry is going to be able a list of people you would NOT want to get caught under the mistletoe with.
Former President George W. Bush-My thought here is that since the former president couldn't get his lips to work properly half the time he was talking to us what would be the realistic chances he'd know how to give a good kiss?
Steve Buscemi-My mother always told me that there was more to a man than what he looked like. I have done my best to live up to this higher standard, but holy hell. Have you taken a good look at Buscemi lately? This guy is the poster boy for fugly. The poor guys looks make me think I'd be kissing a catfish! It is bad enough he has been partially naked in his new HBO series "Boardwalk Empire".
Kim Jong-il-As the president of North Korea he wields supreme power over the masses and drives the leaders of the world’s super powers crazy with his own craziness. Now, if I were a young North Korean woman invited to the presidential palace for a Christmas party, I would spend the entire event cutting down every single mistletoe I could find. I would find it my civic duty to relieve any woman of the chance this sawed off smash faced little man would get with 10 miles of our pouty and supple lips.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Prank Wars: Tips for Winning the Battle
Ever been involved in a full out prank war? For those of you that aren’t sure, allow me to elaborate: in essence, it starts with a couple of simple jokes, gags and goofs played between two coworkers… and eventually turns into a vicious payback circle.
Let the war games begin…
Now before you go out and outfit yourself in Kevlar and Post-It notes, there are a few things to keep in mind: First, once you begin a prank war there is generally no going back. Once started, these things tend to take on a life of their own: there is really no telling when it will end.
But if you have gotten your self in one of theses messy situations, then it’s essential that you make sure that you always have a prank at the ready so that when you get hit with a particularly gruesome one, you have your payback at the ready. This helps over whelm your opponent, and can often deter them from wanting to try and hit you again in the immediate future.
In the end, the simple truth is that the person with the most high quality pranks is the one who is wins the war.
One last word of caution: a strike from the opposition can come at any time. Be on the lookout at all times. Your opponent will be looking to exploit any and all weaknesses on your part. They can and will strike when you least expect it. Stay safe and have fun. And most of all, remember: whether you are victim or instigator, the real goal is liven up the workday and get in a few laughs.
Let the war games begin…
Now before you go out and outfit yourself in Kevlar and Post-It notes, there are a few things to keep in mind: First, once you begin a prank war there is generally no going back. Once started, these things tend to take on a life of their own: there is really no telling when it will end.
But if you have gotten your self in one of theses messy situations, then it’s essential that you make sure that you always have a prank at the ready so that when you get hit with a particularly gruesome one, you have your payback at the ready. This helps over whelm your opponent, and can often deter them from wanting to try and hit you again in the immediate future.
In the end, the simple truth is that the person with the most high quality pranks is the one who is wins the war.
One last word of caution: a strike from the opposition can come at any time. Be on the lookout at all times. Your opponent will be looking to exploit any and all weaknesses on your part. They can and will strike when you least expect it. Stay safe and have fun. And most of all, remember: whether you are victim or instigator, the real goal is liven up the workday and get in a few laughs.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Christmas Joy!
Malls filled with shoppers, great deals everywhere and Santa's home temporarily at the end of the mall right in front of JCPenny. It must be Christmas time for sure yes? As the song says it's the most wonderful time of the year indeed. It is also one of the best times of the year to pull of some of the best pranks that will be remembered for years to come, and some of them will no doubt be passed down the family tree each holiday season.
Let's see, what are some of my favorite pranks to pull this time of the year.
I'll start with the ceremonial lighting of the outdoor Christmas decorations. One of the things I like to do is find the strings my dad uses each year and strategically twist out one or two of them. This creates for the rest of the family quite a show as we watch dad curse and fume after hours of climbing up and down the ladder to get them put up. You might think it cruel, we just look at it as another holiday show we get to watch.
The old box in a box. Every year I get someone with this timeless little gag. The joy it gives me is multiplied each year as I find ways to pack as many boxes inside one another as i possibly can. The result is a very frustrated reciever of my gift and laughs all around the living room with each successive box opened that led another. The best was the year I packed a quarter inside 13 boxes. The look on my kid brothers face was worth way more than that quarter.
Finally, I'll share with you the best prank of them all. Again, you might find this a bit unkind but I get a kick out of it every year.
I switch presents.
I'll wait until everyone goes to bed and then grab a load of gifts and switch the tags. Since I almost always help my mother wrap the gifts I know which ones to shift for the biggest laughs on Christmas morning. Best ever? My little brother excitedly ripped through the wrapping paper of what he was sure was a electronic drum set he wanted and found an Easy Bake Oven!
Let's see, what are some of my favorite pranks to pull this time of the year.
I'll start with the ceremonial lighting of the outdoor Christmas decorations. One of the things I like to do is find the strings my dad uses each year and strategically twist out one or two of them. This creates for the rest of the family quite a show as we watch dad curse and fume after hours of climbing up and down the ladder to get them put up. You might think it cruel, we just look at it as another holiday show we get to watch.
The old box in a box. Every year I get someone with this timeless little gag. The joy it gives me is multiplied each year as I find ways to pack as many boxes inside one another as i possibly can. The result is a very frustrated reciever of my gift and laughs all around the living room with each successive box opened that led another. The best was the year I packed a quarter inside 13 boxes. The look on my kid brothers face was worth way more than that quarter.
Finally, I'll share with you the best prank of them all. Again, you might find this a bit unkind but I get a kick out of it every year.
I switch presents.
I'll wait until everyone goes to bed and then grab a load of gifts and switch the tags. Since I almost always help my mother wrap the gifts I know which ones to shift for the biggest laughs on Christmas morning. Best ever? My little brother excitedly ripped through the wrapping paper of what he was sure was a electronic drum set he wanted and found an Easy Bake Oven!
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