This is the time of the year we all can kiss random people and have an excuse for our surprising lip locks. Whether it be the cute guy in accounting or the boss’ new secretary (I'll leave your minds to wonder which one I would hunt down), mistletoe can make the annual Christmas party a lot fun than just listening to the proverbial butt kissing that goes on. But what about other people? What about catching someone totally off the wall, I mean if we could?
Take that notion and spin it on its head. This short entry is going to be able a list of people you would NOT want to get caught under the mistletoe with.
Former President George W. Bush-My thought here is that since the former president couldn't get his lips to work properly half the time he was talking to us what would be the realistic chances he'd know how to give a good kiss?
Steve Buscemi-My mother always told me that there was more to a man than what he looked like. I have done my best to live up to this higher standard, but holy hell. Have you taken a good look at Buscemi lately? This guy is the poster boy for fugly. The poor guys looks make me think I'd be kissing a catfish! It is bad enough he has been partially naked in his new HBO series "Boardwalk Empire".
Kim Jong-il-As the president of North Korea he wields supreme power over the masses and drives the leaders of the world’s super powers crazy with his own craziness. Now, if I were a young North Korean woman invited to the presidential palace for a Christmas party, I would spend the entire event cutting down every single mistletoe I could find. I would find it my civic duty to relieve any woman of the chance this sawed off smash faced little man would get with 10 miles of our pouty and supple lips.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Prank Wars: Tips for Winning the Battle
Ever been involved in a full out prank war? For those of you that aren’t sure, allow me to elaborate: in essence, it starts with a couple of simple jokes, gags and goofs played between two coworkers… and eventually turns into a vicious payback circle.
Let the war games begin…
Now before you go out and outfit yourself in Kevlar and Post-It notes, there are a few things to keep in mind: First, once you begin a prank war there is generally no going back. Once started, these things tend to take on a life of their own: there is really no telling when it will end.
But if you have gotten your self in one of theses messy situations, then it’s essential that you make sure that you always have a prank at the ready so that when you get hit with a particularly gruesome one, you have your payback at the ready. This helps over whelm your opponent, and can often deter them from wanting to try and hit you again in the immediate future.
In the end, the simple truth is that the person with the most high quality pranks is the one who is wins the war.
One last word of caution: a strike from the opposition can come at any time. Be on the lookout at all times. Your opponent will be looking to exploit any and all weaknesses on your part. They can and will strike when you least expect it. Stay safe and have fun. And most of all, remember: whether you are victim or instigator, the real goal is liven up the workday and get in a few laughs.
Let the war games begin…
Now before you go out and outfit yourself in Kevlar and Post-It notes, there are a few things to keep in mind: First, once you begin a prank war there is generally no going back. Once started, these things tend to take on a life of their own: there is really no telling when it will end.
But if you have gotten your self in one of theses messy situations, then it’s essential that you make sure that you always have a prank at the ready so that when you get hit with a particularly gruesome one, you have your payback at the ready. This helps over whelm your opponent, and can often deter them from wanting to try and hit you again in the immediate future.
In the end, the simple truth is that the person with the most high quality pranks is the one who is wins the war.
One last word of caution: a strike from the opposition can come at any time. Be on the lookout at all times. Your opponent will be looking to exploit any and all weaknesses on your part. They can and will strike when you least expect it. Stay safe and have fun. And most of all, remember: whether you are victim or instigator, the real goal is liven up the workday and get in a few laughs.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Christmas Joy!
Malls filled with shoppers, great deals everywhere and Santa's home temporarily at the end of the mall right in front of JCPenny. It must be Christmas time for sure yes? As the song says it's the most wonderful time of the year indeed. It is also one of the best times of the year to pull of some of the best pranks that will be remembered for years to come, and some of them will no doubt be passed down the family tree each holiday season.
Let's see, what are some of my favorite pranks to pull this time of the year.
I'll start with the ceremonial lighting of the outdoor Christmas decorations. One of the things I like to do is find the strings my dad uses each year and strategically twist out one or two of them. This creates for the rest of the family quite a show as we watch dad curse and fume after hours of climbing up and down the ladder to get them put up. You might think it cruel, we just look at it as another holiday show we get to watch.
The old box in a box. Every year I get someone with this timeless little gag. The joy it gives me is multiplied each year as I find ways to pack as many boxes inside one another as i possibly can. The result is a very frustrated reciever of my gift and laughs all around the living room with each successive box opened that led another. The best was the year I packed a quarter inside 13 boxes. The look on my kid brothers face was worth way more than that quarter.
Finally, I'll share with you the best prank of them all. Again, you might find this a bit unkind but I get a kick out of it every year.
I switch presents.
I'll wait until everyone goes to bed and then grab a load of gifts and switch the tags. Since I almost always help my mother wrap the gifts I know which ones to shift for the biggest laughs on Christmas morning. Best ever? My little brother excitedly ripped through the wrapping paper of what he was sure was a electronic drum set he wanted and found an Easy Bake Oven!
Let's see, what are some of my favorite pranks to pull this time of the year.
I'll start with the ceremonial lighting of the outdoor Christmas decorations. One of the things I like to do is find the strings my dad uses each year and strategically twist out one or two of them. This creates for the rest of the family quite a show as we watch dad curse and fume after hours of climbing up and down the ladder to get them put up. You might think it cruel, we just look at it as another holiday show we get to watch.
The old box in a box. Every year I get someone with this timeless little gag. The joy it gives me is multiplied each year as I find ways to pack as many boxes inside one another as i possibly can. The result is a very frustrated reciever of my gift and laughs all around the living room with each successive box opened that led another. The best was the year I packed a quarter inside 13 boxes. The look on my kid brothers face was worth way more than that quarter.
Finally, I'll share with you the best prank of them all. Again, you might find this a bit unkind but I get a kick out of it every year.
I switch presents.
I'll wait until everyone goes to bed and then grab a load of gifts and switch the tags. Since I almost always help my mother wrap the gifts I know which ones to shift for the biggest laughs on Christmas morning. Best ever? My little brother excitedly ripped through the wrapping paper of what he was sure was a electronic drum set he wanted and found an Easy Bake Oven!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Ride 'Em Cowboy
Ok ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree with me on this one—there are cowboys, and then there are wanna-be cowboys. The real cowboys are the ones that know how to handle their rifle (pun intended), own a pick up truck that they love only slightly less than their woman, and would never, ever dream of ordering a cosmopolitan at a bar. In fact, they most likely wouldn’t be caught dead in a bar that serves cosmos in the first place.
Then there the wanna be cowboys. The ones that blare their country music just a little too loud, and wear designer jeans instead of worn out wranglers. Unfortunately, my office is home to one of these wishful thinking cowboys. Don’t get me wrong, I am a city slicker who loves herself some Rascal Flatts. But I would never try and convince people that I was an Iowa farm girl. Alas, he is not as aware as I am.
And that’s what makes the prank that the boys from accounting pulled on him so hilarious. Now, if anyone out there is thinking of pulling this stunt in their own place of work they should make sure to get permission from the boss man beforehand, lest they find themselves shoveling manure for a week in repentance for their sins.
First, they threw down a sheet of plastic on his cubicle floor, and they put a couple of squares of sod down over the plastic sheeting. Then they pinned up a huge cartoon farm on the cube wall, just to make him feel at home. A couple of bales of hay and a basket or two of eggs later, and the newly designed space was ready for its final touch:
They removed the unsuspecting entrepreneur’s desk chair and replaced it with a fuzzy miniature horse. Welcome home, cowpolk!
Then there the wanna be cowboys. The ones that blare their country music just a little too loud, and wear designer jeans instead of worn out wranglers. Unfortunately, my office is home to one of these wishful thinking cowboys. Don’t get me wrong, I am a city slicker who loves herself some Rascal Flatts. But I would never try and convince people that I was an Iowa farm girl. Alas, he is not as aware as I am.
And that’s what makes the prank that the boys from accounting pulled on him so hilarious. Now, if anyone out there is thinking of pulling this stunt in their own place of work they should make sure to get permission from the boss man beforehand, lest they find themselves shoveling manure for a week in repentance for their sins.
First, they threw down a sheet of plastic on his cubicle floor, and they put a couple of squares of sod down over the plastic sheeting. Then they pinned up a huge cartoon farm on the cube wall, just to make him feel at home. A couple of bales of hay and a basket or two of eggs later, and the newly designed space was ready for its final touch:
They removed the unsuspecting entrepreneur’s desk chair and replaced it with a fuzzy miniature horse. Welcome home, cowpolk!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Happy Prank-Tober!
The leaves on the trees around my apartment are bursting with color and there's beginning to be a bit of a chill in the air. Birds are heading south, farmers are harvesting and the pumpkin patch is ripe for the picking. All of these signs can only mean one thing. It's Prank-tober and time to check out some of the goulishly funnies found on Youtube.
Halloween Pranks by PrankedUpon-
Want to scare the devil out of some random folks? Pull up a bench and take a look at one way to send them off running.
Kids scare the hell out of there Dad by gabehicks-Several Australian kids set up a staged crime scene to scare Dad. They provide some down and dirty instructions on how to pull off this prank before setting their trap. Would make a great Halloween gag!
Funny Halloween Prank by irishqueen208-
What looked like a rather benign youtube video turned into something pretty funny. I would love to see this prank pulled off. You'll want to bone up on your anatomy and physiology for this one. Would be the perfect Halloween prank to use at a nightclub. It would fit wonderfully in the ladies room.
Funny scary pranks part 2 by robertjan93-
This is a minute long collection of Halloween pranks aired on what appears to be an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. The link does provide some pretty good ideas for scarying the socks off of your friends and family.
Momma meets Dracula scared to death Halloween prank by maxshannon-This short and sweet video is just the right thing for the novice prankster. Requires minimal setup and achieves maximum fright in just a few short seconds. I am going to try this one on my room mate. Warning: if your room mate is a big scaredy cat like mine you may want to have puppy pads on hand.
Happy Halloween my fellow pranksters!
Halloween Pranks by PrankedUpon-
Want to scare the devil out of some random folks? Pull up a bench and take a look at one way to send them off running.
Kids scare the hell out of there Dad by gabehicks-Several Australian kids set up a staged crime scene to scare Dad. They provide some down and dirty instructions on how to pull off this prank before setting their trap. Would make a great Halloween gag!
Funny Halloween Prank by irishqueen208-
What looked like a rather benign youtube video turned into something pretty funny. I would love to see this prank pulled off. You'll want to bone up on your anatomy and physiology for this one. Would be the perfect Halloween prank to use at a nightclub. It would fit wonderfully in the ladies room.
Funny scary pranks part 2 by robertjan93-
This is a minute long collection of Halloween pranks aired on what appears to be an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. The link does provide some pretty good ideas for scarying the socks off of your friends and family.
Momma meets Dracula scared to death Halloween prank by maxshannon-This short and sweet video is just the right thing for the novice prankster. Requires minimal setup and achieves maximum fright in just a few short seconds. I am going to try this one on my room mate. Warning: if your room mate is a big scaredy cat like mine you may want to have puppy pads on hand.
Happy Halloween my fellow pranksters!
Prank of the Month: I Wanna Sex you Up
Hey everyone. Ok, this month’s prankster extraordinare is Kelly, from Houston, Texas. I could not stop laughing when I read this email, and I had to send her a note asking for more details about what happened once she and her pals actually pulled off this nefarious little ploy. Hopefully she’s still employed and will us all in on what happened:
”Often, as I sit with my compadres at lunch, we talk about ways we'd like to get back at our boss (well, either him or the building custodian who never seems to be able to refill the toilet paper). Our plans for revenge run the gamut.
We've discussed everything from having a secret camera installed in his office (kind of afraid to see what he does in there late at night) to getting a group of the brawny boys and picking up his car and hiding it behind the building.
Yet nothing seemed to peak our interest until...
Graham, our resident computer tech, suggested something of the unsavory variety and all of our ears perked up like a pack of dogs sensing the hunt.
Phone sex prank call.
This will take cunning, advanced scouting and a level of deception unseen since I wielded a similarly artful manipulation upon a former boyfriend I suspected of cheating.
The high jinx was on!
First, we round up a sweet sultry sounding college girl from campus and offered her a $20 iTunes card to play the roll of the naughty operator. We gave her a script full of things a madam would blush upon hearing and told her we would call her when we were ready for the prank call.
Next we paid off his office assistant with lunch at the swank restaurant down the block from the office. Free eats at cool digs gets them every time. She would be in charge of getting the call to the boss.
Finally, we got some really cheesy porn flick music recorded and ready for airing over the office intercom system.
The pump was primed and ready to go.
Let's just hope the boss doesn't explode!”
”Often, as I sit with my compadres at lunch, we talk about ways we'd like to get back at our boss (well, either him or the building custodian who never seems to be able to refill the toilet paper). Our plans for revenge run the gamut.
We've discussed everything from having a secret camera installed in his office (kind of afraid to see what he does in there late at night) to getting a group of the brawny boys and picking up his car and hiding it behind the building.
Yet nothing seemed to peak our interest until...
Graham, our resident computer tech, suggested something of the unsavory variety and all of our ears perked up like a pack of dogs sensing the hunt.
Phone sex prank call.
This will take cunning, advanced scouting and a level of deception unseen since I wielded a similarly artful manipulation upon a former boyfriend I suspected of cheating.
The high jinx was on!
First, we round up a sweet sultry sounding college girl from campus and offered her a $20 iTunes card to play the roll of the naughty operator. We gave her a script full of things a madam would blush upon hearing and told her we would call her when we were ready for the prank call.
Next we paid off his office assistant with lunch at the swank restaurant down the block from the office. Free eats at cool digs gets them every time. She would be in charge of getting the call to the boss.
Finally, we got some really cheesy porn flick music recorded and ready for airing over the office intercom system.
The pump was primed and ready to go.
Let's just hope the boss doesn't explode!”
Prank ‘Em Until they Smile
It's been a hectic day around the office. People are all sorts of cranky because of the new processes institued last week involving taking sick days and scheduling vacations. While most of my office buds are busy sounding the "I hate this place" alarm, I was holed up in my cubby little cubicle planning my shenanigans. I can’t stand to see people bummed so it is now, after much planning (ok not really "much" but hopefully enough) that I begin to spring my plans into action. Hey, if nothing else, I’m hoping to elicit a few chuckles from my cranky fellow employees.
I began by switching the laces in my running shoes and then coloring the white laces hot pink. Everytime I catch someone starring down at them as I walk by I tell them I haven't misplaced them since I made this subtle change.
This little mixer upper gets me a few glares (from management), a few stares (from the hoity toity girls in new accounts) and one genuine belly laugh from Ezmerelda the cleaning lady.
But I was not spreading nearly the amount of joy I anticipated, so I moved on to phase two of my plan.
I wrote a very well thought out email detailing my support for Elmo versus Oscar the Grouch in the Battle of the Childrens Television Network. I pose intelligent arguments for why Elmo should reign supreme and why his second in command should be the number 9. I forward this email throughout the office's global email listings and wait patiently for replies.
This gag gets plenty of returns. Most of the email replies are in support of Elmo with less than 10 percent decenting and in favor of Oscar the Grouch (from, you guessed it, the management).
My last and final prank is pretty low budget and low maintenance according to the prank standards of my humorous peers.
I paged myself over the office intercom and wait to see how long it takes anyone to stroll by my cubicle and inform me that I am looking for me.
A day that began cranky and full of contempt morphed into one filled with a few laughs. Hopefully, I have inspired a few of my fellow coworkers to spread the cheer, as well.
I began by switching the laces in my running shoes and then coloring the white laces hot pink. Everytime I catch someone starring down at them as I walk by I tell them I haven't misplaced them since I made this subtle change.
This little mixer upper gets me a few glares (from management), a few stares (from the hoity toity girls in new accounts) and one genuine belly laugh from Ezmerelda the cleaning lady.
But I was not spreading nearly the amount of joy I anticipated, so I moved on to phase two of my plan.
I wrote a very well thought out email detailing my support for Elmo versus Oscar the Grouch in the Battle of the Childrens Television Network. I pose intelligent arguments for why Elmo should reign supreme and why his second in command should be the number 9. I forward this email throughout the office's global email listings and wait patiently for replies.
This gag gets plenty of returns. Most of the email replies are in support of Elmo with less than 10 percent decenting and in favor of Oscar the Grouch (from, you guessed it, the management).
My last and final prank is pretty low budget and low maintenance according to the prank standards of my humorous peers.
I paged myself over the office intercom and wait to see how long it takes anyone to stroll by my cubicle and inform me that I am looking for me.
A day that began cranky and full of contempt morphed into one filled with a few laughs. Hopefully, I have inspired a few of my fellow coworkers to spread the cheer, as well.
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